Okay, Here's Part II of the Gnomes Installment

Aurora Borealis/Australis (Northern/Southern Lights):
Having seen the principles concerning light in gnome theory this northern spectacle can now be explained. Gnomes become blind when they stay too long with the gnomes in the sun (because their clothing is really bright). They thus tend to get lost when the sun gnomes let go of them. Some of these blind gnomes accidently attach their ropes to earth, and are thus pulled towards it (see Gravity).

When they reach the gnomes in the upper 'atmosphere' of the earth they realise that they're not the only gnomes in the universe and so have a tiny party/celebration. During this festive time the gatherings round the north and south of the earth have access to changes of clothes (e.g. from Santa). They take advantage of this wardrobe and the changing of clothes makes us perceive a colourful oscillating light in the sky.

Mobile Phones:

'Scientists' may try and fool you with talk of 'waves', but please dont believe these distacting and frankly stupid theories. Mobile phones are built (by gnomes) to incorporate a gnome catapault. These devices are worked by gnomes in your mobile phone (which coincidently is made up of gnomes) to fire their gnome freinds upwards when you place a call. The gnomes are fired into space where they land on 'satellites' (also made of gnomes).

The gnome satillites then catapault seperate gnomes to the mobile you are trying to contact (if you are attempting to 'connect' with a land line the gnomes are fired at a landing station where they run and hi-five down wires to the other phone reciever).

When the gnomes reach the reciever you are connecting with there is an exchange of messages, hi-fives and presents (the unwrapping is the crackle you hear). More catapaulting occurs back to the satilite and then to your phone. This process continues so that what you say is 'transmitted' to the other phone and vice-versa (the process is VERY quick, as these gnomes travel at the speed of light-gnomes). A call 'breaks up' or has no 'signal' when the presents exchanged are so good the gnomes dont bother coming back, but just sit and play.

Food:

Gnomes make up everything, including food. When we eat, say, a sandwich the gnomes making up the sandwich are digested and travel to our stomach. The stomach gnomes are so pleased to see other gnomes that a party soon gets underway (when you eat too quickly the party gets out of hand very quickly thus causing indigestion).

The party is of course a wild affair, and the beer flows free while the gnomes party hard. The morning after (which in human time is only like 4-6 hours) the clean up begins. The stomach gnomes collect up the rubbish in bin bags. Intestine gnomes (the bin-men of the human body) collect up these bags and take them through the intestine to the... well im sure you can guess.

The bum gnomes then drop these bags of rubbish out of the body (known as a landfill). Different varieties of foods are of course different nationalities of gnomes. Spicy food are Asian gnomes. These gnomes party particularly hard and thus the morning after is particularly bad. They also like to smoke, which is why humans feel 'gaseous effects' after a rather spicy meal.

Gnome food:
Gnomes also need to eat and drink and it can be easily extrapolated from gnomes theory how this occurs. The gnome digestion process occurs as described above but their food is made up of super-gnomes, who party in their stomachs. Of course, super-gnomes are also hungry entities and eat food made up of hyper-gnomes. Due to the fact thay hyper-gnomes are fundamental and can't be broken down into anything smaller they do not need to eat or drink.

Alcohol:

As all things are made of gnomes, it follows that even alcohol is made of gnomes. These are without doubt the rowdiest of all gnomes (except anti-gnomes). Alcohol gnomes divide into several groups. The first type look kindly and loving (which they indeed are) but have a stupendous sense of humour and love to play practical jokes. They will quickly travel to the brain gnomes upon arrival in the body and will wreak havoc with the head region; taking other gnomes clothes while they are in the shower, throwing eggs at nearby gnomes and the like. This causes the brain gnomes to become distracted, so the body doesnt work as efficiently as normal running. The senses become distorted (e.g. vision) and the human seems to think they are invincible, and the other sex is more attractive. Wine is mostly made up of these gnomes and Females are particularly succeptable to this type.

The next type are Beer (subdivided into Ale and lager subspecies) gnomes. These gnomes produce similar effects to the wine gnomes (especially if mixed - gnomes love to party) but through different methods. These gnomes (instead of being fun loving) are dangerous and enjoy getting in fights. They will provoke and cause violence against the gnomes in your brain, and swear loudly. They will push over desks and generally cause havoc. This is again why your senses become distorted etc. The last type of alcahol gnomes are 'spirit' gnomes (who are NOT supernatural). These type of gnomes are really sneaky and cunning.

They can very quickly (for they are quite strong and obviously quick) infiltrate the gnome office of the brain and begin to sneakily alter the brain gnomes work. They will send fake emails (to the amusmant of the wine gnomes), cause brain gnomes to work on useless tasks and generally ensure the brain gnomes cannot do there job. These again cause ill effects to your bodies ability to work (normally).